Summer 2009

Full disclosure: Between us, the managers of NW3Kids have six boys ranging in age from infant to going on 8, including one set of twins! We have no medical, psychological or educational credentials. What you read in the following pages was either learnt the hard way or been told by other parents. And don't think we're being down on babies -- this is a sort of "problem page". Feel free to email us with your own advice or to tell us how wrong we are!

A IS FOR AIRPLANES: Flying with young children (especially energetic ones) is not much fun, but it is do-able. The best advice I was given for flying long-haul with a toddler was the following: wrap 5-10 small age-appropriate "presents" (or anything they haven't played with) and whip them out when things get whiggy. Magnetic books are always a hit. For older toddlers and pre-schoolers, a portable DVD player is a very good investment -- buy good-quality earphones too.Remember to hold back some treat for the immigration queue or in case bags are delayed. Apart from the usual spare clothes, nappies etc.., carry a themometer and some baby pain reliever. Do not give unfamiliar food for a couple of days before a long flight -- now is not the time to test out his tolerance for plums.
Lots of airports (but not all) will let you skip check-in, security and immigration queues if you have a baby (Heathrow and Gatwick better than Stansted and Luton). It won't kill you to beg a little. And unless you're flying an airline that does not let you prebook seats, do not get on the air plane first if you have a toddler. NB the stroller is sometimes put in the hold, to be collected at the baggage claim, so make sure you are physically capable of carrying your baby through immigration (Also see JET LAG)

and "ACTIVITIES" Before age 2, baby/child activities focus on signing, music and mother/baby fitness classes. Music, dance, cooking, art and some sports classes that do not require a lot of coordination are available from about age two. For this age group, gymnastics and dance are almost always a safe bet while football and tennis are a bit of a gamble.

From about age three, there's a lot more choice, but that doesn't mean all children are ready for drop-off, teacher-led courses. Some children enjoy challenges and can concentrate and follow instructions very well. For others, being left behind is very stressful. Whenever possible, ask the activity leader to give a free trial -- they almost always will. But don't be surprised if your child looses interest half-way through the term.

While it may sound tempting to enrol your child in lots of different classes, personally, I think that for this age group, any more than two or three activities a week is pushing it. And if your child is entering full-time nursery -- especially a state/religious pre-school where the average class size is 25 -- you can pretty much forget afternoon activities for the first term. They will be exhausted -- and done with being told what to do by a grown up.

Au Pairs: Read what Maggie Dyer of London Au Pair and Nanny Agency says about au pairs taking care of young children in "Articles by Local Experts."

B is for BREASTFEEDING: There is nothing easy or natural about breastfeeding in the first few weeks. It hurts and it's tricky and the books and classes don't really prepare you for it. But after you get the hang of it, breastfeeding is much easier than bottle feeding, and provided you don't eat an entire cake every day, you will lose weight a lot faster. To begin with, in case you didn't know or don't remember, it takes a few days after the birth for breast milk to develop. And despite what the books say ("don't worry, babies aren't hungry at this stage") my children were quite angry at this cruel trick of nature, especially as they were on the biggish side. With my first baby, I resisted giving any formula, as per book instructions. After 72 hours of non-stop screaming, my husband and I were wild-eyed with exhaustion and panic, thinking we had given birth to Satan. My second and third boys got formula and I felt no guilt and experienced no nipple confusion or breast rejection or whatever! Of course, every baby is different and yours may placidly wait out this period.

Even with formula, my children nursed almost continuously for the first week. Which brings me to the second point. It really does pay to get advice. Number 1 tip: Bring some special nipple cream (I used lanolin) to hospital. Your nipples will get a lot more attention than they are used to, and they will be extremely sore unless you take care of them. Use the cream often and in small amounts. Number 2 tip: make sure the baby latches on correctly. The NHS and La Leche League provide loads of free support and advice on breastfeeding so take advantage of it if you feel things are not right. While it does hurt during let-down in the beginning (don't want to scare you too much) if there is serious and continuous pain, you're doing something wrong that's probably very simple to fix. Do not leave hospital without getting this right if you are planning on nursing. Number 3 tip: Soothe engorged breasts with cold cabbage leaves - it really does work.

B IS FOR BABY BOOKS: Books help with advice on eating/sleeping/potty training but just don't read too many or you will get confused. For whatever you want to accomplish, pick one system and stick with it. Having had children in different countries and listened to various opinions on the "correct" way of doing things, I can tell you there is no right way. As my wise builder once said: "Little children, little problems. Big children, big problems." A good, easy-to-understand paediatric A to Z is a good investment.

BUGGIES/PUSHERS/STROLLERS: I had a friend who did an entire spread sheet on this topic. Don't bother. For good advice, go to www.mumsnet.co.uk or www.which.co.uk -- both have really helpful reviews on single and double pushchairs. For what it's worth, Maclaren get my vote. If you think you will be travelling a lot in the first year, consider a travel system stroller that lets you click in a car seat.

C is for CLOTHES: If you can't get your hands on some handmedowns, the Gap sales are great -- buy for the following year and you'll never pay full price for the basics. (NB newborn stuff tends not to be on sale. Ever.) Another excellent way to shop for children is through the Hampstead Women's Group Nearly-new sale held every May. Get there early, leave children at home, know exactly what you need and sharpen those elbows. I was told never reuse children's' shoes (apart from wellies). Clarks makes the best and cheapest winter boots. Mini Boden is also popular when the sales are on but I still find it expensive. FYI, the larger French grocery stores like Auchon have the best and cheapest children's' clothes I've ever seen. Petit Bateau onesies for five euros.

C IS FOR COLIC : I had one child with a bit of colic, one child with a lot of colic and one with absolutely none; basically, you get what you get and there isn't a whole lot you can do about it. The only thing that helped me was sitting in the bath with the baby for hours on end -- with no lights on (just candles.) I've had friends who went the alternative medicine route with great success, so if you've got the cash and think it might work, go for it. Hearing your baby constantly cry is very distressing and really depressing (again, books and classes really downplay this topice) so try to take care of yourself physically and mentally. And take help when it is offered. See "articles by local experts" for Dr. Balazic's explanation on how chiropractics can help a crying infant.

DADS. Do not constantly tell your partner/husband/whatver that he is doing something wrong. Unless the child is in immediate danger of death, bite your tongue 'til it bleeds. If you find yourself micromanaging how carrots are cut just stop. The only exception I make to this is under no circumstance should you allow Dad to take your child's special sleepy-time cuddle teddy bear out of the house. It will be lost. I guarantee it.

D IS FOR DISCIPLINE : Many children do not respond well to going to the corner/bedroom, naughty step, counting, etc... When I try to use any of those methods, my rather defiant child simply gets angrier and the situation quickly escalates. You don't want to end up in a situation where one small transgretion results eventually into no dessert for a month and really hurt feeling all around. For toddlers and less mature children, it's much better to try distraction. Another method is not giving any air time to attention seeking behavior. It's really difficult to do in practice but often it's better to ignore bad behavior all together and see if it stops. For example, if the child is being a menace at the table, ask him to stop and if he doesn't, ignore the child entirely. Do not even look him in the eye and pay attention to other children, if you have any. Once the behavior stops give him a small treat. Repeat all day if you have to until he gets the message that bad behavior will result in no attention while good behavior gets him rewards. It takes nerves of steel but it does work, at least for us. DO NOT UNDERESTIMATE THE IMPORTANCE OF THE SNACK. Extreme bad behavior can often be traced to hunger, especially after school. So before counting and whipping out the naughty step, try to prevent drama with a small sandwich. I favor peanut butter and nutella.

E IS FOR EATING: Like sleeping, learning to eat is a big milestone. And babies can be super unhelpful when it comes to food. There you are, pouring over baby cookbooks, sweating over a hot stove, mashing your organic green beans just so, only for your precious angel to dump it on the floor. Nice. Do not take it personally -- set a good example yourself and do your best but don't turn it into an epic battle. My babies rejected all my hard work (really, I am a pretty good cook) in favour of jarred food. Again, you get what you get -- some kids devour everything you put in front of them, others eat about 2 molecules of pasta and call it a day. While some kids jump for joy at the thought of vegetables ("yea, it's curly Kale day") lots will reject "strange" food for a good long time.

EYES: Did you know you can get your child's eyes tested for free until he/she is 16. Read Dr. Shah's article in Articles by Local Experts.

G is for GADGETS and GEAR: Babies come with a lot of clutter and not all of it is useful. Here's my list of under 1s useful gadgets. By useful, I mean, something that can keep a baby entertained (or at the very least safe) for a little while. If you're having a baby shower ask for the following: front carrier (I used Babybjorn,) Tiny Love Crib Mobile (music and moving parts), Tiny Love gymni, baby chairs -- vibrating or not. Keep one in your bathroom so you can take a shower -- get used to accompanied bathroom visits, Jolly Jumper, Excersaucer -- it's a round adjustable chair that doesn't move -- you plonk the baby in the middle and put toys around. Eventually they will figure out it's baby jail but it works for a long time and worth the amount of space it takes. PLEASE send in your under 1 recommendations.

Halloween: Whether you're for it or against it, Halloween (and all derivative spellings) is here to stay. If you have under 2s, don't bother walking around. They love opening the door in costume and distributing candy even more. FYI, children will not come to your door unless they are fairly sure they will get some candy action so leave all the lights on and maybe decorate the door a bit. For the over 2s, you don't have to walk the entire neighbourhood. Belsize village is quite friendly as are the roads around Rosslyn Hill all the way up to Hampstead. Gayton Rd., I hear, goes completely nuts but that may overwhelm some of the younger ones. Let me know if your road is particularly good.

costumes: No need to spend any serious cash as the might very well change their minds on the night. The more complicated, and thus uncomfortable, the less likely they will wear it. Party Party on Malden Rd. has low tech masks and props.
candy: we once got a raisin each, but don't start shovelling it out because the other mothers won't thank you. Children start going out at about 5:00 pm. At 7pm, take down decorations and turn off the lights or you'll get scary teenagers knocking. Unless you live in a high traffic road, two bags of miniture chocs ought to do it.

H is for HIGHCHAIRS: The trendy wooden chairs are really cute (I have one) and while useful in the toddler years, they're not so practical for the baby stage. The "at-the-table" highchair lets the baby feel part of the action but a tray is really handy. I have the cheapest, plainest model there is and it's just perfect. Be aware that highchairs with lots of leavers and pads and whatnots tend to collect lots of highly inaccessible (rotting) food particles. Ick. You will end up chucking it after a few months because of the revolting smell.

J is for JET LAG: This is a particular area of expertise for us at NW3Kids, as our immediate families are spread out. For a baby/child that sleeps at night and doesn't nap more than once or twice a day, the following works for me going to North America. Try to nap him/her sometime during the flight in their regular nap time. If the child falls asleep 10 minutes before landing, s/he may very well freak out if you try to wake it up or you'll have to carry the sleeping child a long way. If the flight lands before 4pm, might as well let them sleep in the car-ride from the airport, if it's not more than an hour. And then make them run around -- in the fresh air if possible -- until at least 7 or 8pm. They'll get up early the next morning but that should be it. If you are flying from North America to England, get them to sleep by 8pm on the flight if possible. Have a nap once you get to NW3 but not much past 2pm if you can help it. Plan an outdoor activity for the rest of the day, or swimming if the weather is bad. You will feel like crap on the day but you'll get over the worst of it.

L is for LICE: It is everywhere in London and you are unlikely to escape it unscathed, whether your child attends the poshest primary or the modest local playgroup. The first thing to do is: CONFESS! Tell your nursery or preschool and all the children who have recently come into contact with your child. It's no big deal and no one is going to think less of you! There is plenty of information on how to get rid of these wretched creatures on the net and at your local chemist (also see Lice to See you in our medical section.) Invest in a nit comb and check regularly.

MOTION SICKNESS: A friend with 3 kids who suffer greatly swears by a product called SEA LEGS (from age 2), which you take a day before the flight. It is an over the counter medication.

M is for MUSEUMS: London has loads of museums that are very accessible with public transport and buggies. We at NW3kids have only produced boys so apologies if this list is a little male-centric. Transport Museum: in Covent Garden. Lots of buses, subways, trains (it doesn't get any better) and there's a cute under 5s play area with train tables. If your child really likes it, consider becoming a "friend" of the museum, which entitles you to free visits. The 168 bus drops you near the Aldwych, which is a short walk to the museum. Science Museum: the under 6 area in the basement is fabulous but I would stay away from the 3D movies (my children freaked.) Bring a change of clothes because they get totally soaked at the water tables. Natural History Museum: around the corner from the Science Museum. Some of the stuff can be pretty scary but if you've got a dino-loving toddler, there's nothing better. Tate Modern: most of the collection isn't really appropriate for the young ones but some of the installations can be really fun. Please send in your ideas. For any of these places, do not even consider going during holidays and half-terms. You will regret it. The London Tower is best left for the over 8s.

N is for Nannies: Read what Maggie Dyer of London Au Pair and Nanny Agency says about nannies taking care of young children in "Articles by Local Experts."

NAPPIES: I am ashamed to say I've always used disposables. If anyone can write a piece on this topic we would be grateful.

N is also for NAPS: Do not fear the waning of toddler naps. It's actually quite liberating. No more rushing home. No more screeching and threatening people to be quiet. And with bedtime much earlier you get to have your evenings back! There's no hard and fast rule about when to give up the siestas: my eldest was done with it by age 2 and a quarter and my middle one would catch a snooze here and there in the buggy until he was almost 4. I know TV is supposed to be bad for little brains but I had to do it to keep sane. I would put on "Finding Nemo " after lunch and get some stuff done.

NEWBORN: I really don't think antenatal classes prepare you enough for the upheaval that can be a newborn baby. For the first few months, if you can afford it, arrange for help. Or bribe a family member. Having someone make you a cup of tea, or better still a meal, can make all the difference as you try to cope with life one handed. Sleep deprivation is a killer -- there is a reason why it is considered torture. While reading the paper or answering emails as the baby snoozes is tempting, you need to get some rest.

P IS FOR PAIN RELIEVER: I wish it hadn't taken me until my third child to realise that suppositories are way better for infants and young children than liquids. Suppositories cannot be spit or vomited up - so no more wondering how much medicine actually went down. And suppositories are less likely to bother tiny stomachs -- or so says my doctor.

POTTY TRAINING: The best advice I was ever given about toilet training was have nappies, plastic bags and wipes with you at all times. Even if your child is really good about making it to the toilet at home or at nursery, you may be out and about and portable potties may not really be appropriate. Like on the Northern Line! If your child really has to go, just whip the nappy on and as soon as possible remove it and be on your way. Neither of my boys had a problem with it and neither wanted to go back to nappies as a result. Also, be aware that children may be frightened of nursery toilets, even if they use one at home. If they're having a lot of accidents at nursery but are otherwise dry, investigate what might be the problem.

SLEEP TRAINING: At some point, you may want to consider letting your baby put himself to sleep. I started sleep training from about 5 months. Do it when you're ready (i.e. when you think baby is hardy enough to cry a little bit, doesn't have a cold, hasn't recently had jabs etc...) This is my totally unscientific system: I put the baby in its crib/bed/whatever after the first yawn, give a little kiss and cuddle and put a little light on. Then I go out the room and wait. When the crying starts I go in, give him a little pat and kiss and go out again. Then I wait for 2 or 3 minutes (if he's crying of course) and repeat until he falls asleep. The first night usually takes 45 minutes or so. By the third night, I go in every five minutes and it usually takes only half an hour and so on. The key is to wait for that first yawn and make sure he doesn't sleep too much during the day. As with everything, only do it if you feel comfortable -- if the crying really upsets you, find a different way.

SWIMMING: See A to Z for various courses and pools. Babies and toddlers: I used neoprene swim jackets, with removable inserts. Great if you're taking more than one child swimming. Children: I've heard that intensive week-long swim classes are more efficient at teaching kids to swim than the weekly half-hour sessions with lots of children. If anyone has an opinion on this, please let me know.

T is for TAKE-OFF and LANDINGS: Young babies: Nurse or offer bottles to babies at takeoff and landings but don't panic about it. If they sleep through it then they sleep through it. Just remember to hold your fire until you are actually airborne . If you start nursing/giving a bottle soon after push off at the gate, the baby may well be done by the time you finish taxiing. Have some sort of drink or dummy ready for toddlers. If you're child is recently out of nappies, put one on him or her from the time you get on the plane until they turn off the seat belt. Or at the very least, have one handy. At big airports, you can sit on the tarmac for a good long time before you are in the sky and even the most patient child won't be able to hold it for long.

TEETHING: For many children, teeth start poking through at around six months, though drooling and sore bottoms can start much earlier. Your options are 1) appropriate cold stuff for babies to suck, chew or gum 2) homoeopathic treatments like Teetha or other chamomile powders or 3) pain reliever.