While
Your Belly is Still Big:
There are a few things you can do
while pregnant that will make your life a lot easier when the baby arrives.
- Tufnell Park Parents Support Group (www.tppsg.org) Has a large FREE maternity clothes bank. Bored with your wardrobe? Borrow and bring back clothes.
- About five months before you give birth, start calling around for an ante-natal class. They book up very fast and
you don't want to be trecking all over London when you're eight months pregnant. Even if you've read every
book on giving birth and know what you want and how to manage the pain (ha!), it's still helpful to know EXACTLY what
is going to happen to you -- complete with props and sound effects. And your partner's eyes will widen when s/he sees
what a 10 centimeter-dilated (model) cervix looks like. But the most important reason to go to an ante-natal class is
for the "baby friends" you are likely to make (see discussion below.) FYI, pre-natal classes offered by hospitals
not in this neighbourhood will likely be attended by mothers from all over London and you'll probably not stay in
touch after the birth. So my advice is to keep it local (see "ante-natal classes" in the A to Z section.)
- A word about strollers/pushers/prams. This is NW3. There are hills everywhere. You may want the option of public
transport at some point. Lots of cafes/stores will hate you if you bring in some huge lumbering 4x4 of a pusher.
And if you buy the £1 million-model, I can almost guarantee you will not be using it in three months when you actually
want to get somewhere. mumsnet.co.uk and www.which.co.uk do helpful reviews on single and double pushchairs.
- Apart from all the other
things the birthing books have told you about what to bring to hospital, if you're giving birth at an NHS hospital, make
sure you have some sort of ipod to distract you from the other three mothers who will share your room. The NHS is free but
"The Ritz" it is not. For those of you who have recently given birth in a local hospital, feel free to email me
with your top tips.
- If you're new to this country, register with your local GP even if
you are going private for the birth and have never personally visited an NHS doctor. You don't need the hassle of trooping
around London when your child has a fever, earache etc... and despite what you read in the press, the care is very good.
Hampstead Group Practice of Fleet Rd. has a baby clinic every Thursday from 1:30-3:30 for weigh-ins, check ups and jabs.
- Lots of nesting mums go mad cooking and freezing food in the last days before giving birth thinking they can save
time later. Be aware that some newborn babies do not like onions, garlic, beans, tomatoes or gassy veg in the breast milk.
- And finally ... you won't believe me but it's true. If you are hell bent on private education, you might
want to think about where you want your fetus to go to school! Most close their waiting list when baby is one and many do
it much earlier so do it while you have the time and are still sane.
Childbirth Education and Breastfeeding Support Ruth Tamir,
a National Childbirth Trust Childbirth Educator and IBCLC Lactation Consultant, runs regular
antenatal classes and labour workshops from her home on Lawn Road. Breastfeeding support in your own home is
also available. Email ruth.tamir@virgin.net www.birthandbeyondbirth.com
The first six months:
Going Home, Baby and Mother
Checkups: So you've survived the birth and have brought the little one across
the threshold for the very first time to see his/her new home. Now what? In case you're a little confused about
what to do about the baby's/your crying/vomiting/sleep problems, there are tons of books, pamphlets
and websites to help guide you through the first year, with advice, tips and warnings. Have a peek at WHAT
THE BABY BOOKS DONT TELL YOU on this website for our two pennies' worth. Of particular interest is our section
on breastfeeding, sleeping, colic and gear.
In the days after you get home from
hospital, a mid-wife will come to see you to make sure you're ok and to check the baby's weight and give an injection.
A health visitor will also check in to make sure all is well. If you've fallen through the cracks in the NHS system, make
sure they know you exist. You will also receive in the mail details of your baby's hearing test. Don't wait too long
to respond if you haven't received it or can't make the appointment because as the baby gets more active,
the accuracy of the test is diminished and you will have to see a specialist. I speak from experience.
There will be special times of the week when your GP runs a baby
clinic; besides checking baby's weight and height, health visitors will also help you with any problems you
or the baby might have and give advice on breastfeeding and colic.
A word about colic. The New Yorker
(Sept. 17, Crybabies) wrote an excellent piece on this topic and I urge anyone who has a baby afflicted with this wretched
condition to have a read. It offers no particular advice on what it is or, more importantly, how to cure it but
it will make you feel a little less like a loser. The only practical advice is don't hide yourself away because you'll
just get depressed. Which brings me to the next point...
Meeting Other Mothers/Carers: The first three months are difficult for every new parent. Even if
you've been blessed with a good eater and/or a good sleeper, you will still be sleep-deprived and cranky. And if
you had any kind of life before the baby was born, you will probably be a little depressed, bored and lonely, especially when
husband/partner goes back to work and mother/helper goes home. And most women do get the blues. I can't think of anyone
who at some point didn't say "this totally sucks." It's amazing how even a five minute conversation with
an adult will cheer you up. .
---- But do not distress yourself with dark imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue
and loneliness. (Max Ehrmann) ----
What you need is some
local baby friends with whom you can meet up on a regular basis to discuss things like the colour of your infant's poo
and how much vomiting is too much vomiting. Your "real life" friends will not be of much help at this stage. Even those
with older kids will not remember/care about the newborn phase and quickly tire of hearing about the contents of your child's
nappy.
The good news is that mothers with babies
of the exact same age will likely get along and support each other, even if they have absolutely nothing else in common.
In the first few months, they will keep you sane.
And please don't think anyone is judging you for your decisions on breastfeeding or bottle, co-sleeping or not,
going back to work/staying at home or thousands of other decision you make for your family. Despite what you read in
the press, other parents are extremely supportive and will prove to best source of information as well as practical
help.
Ante-natal classes, either private or through your
chosen hospital, surestart centre are a great way to find future baby friends. Apart from offering
information/coping strategies about the actual birth, the classes give you the opportunity to meet at least a half-dozen
women who will have babies at the same time. Don't be shy. Get their telephone numbers.
If you're reading this after you have given birth, or you didn't really get along with your ante-natal class
colleagues, fear not! Breastfeeding courses, yoga classes, baby massage classes, buggy exercise classes (see
"A to Z" guide, "Term-time Day Planner" and "Courses in NW3") are also good places
to turn to. If classes aren't your thing, playgroups and libraries are also where mothers
of newborns and infants hang out, though they may have an older child in tow. If you're paranoid of germs or
have a particularly vulnerable baby, beware. Toddlers are notorious germ-bags and while your infant will likely
not leave your lap, s/he will be exposed to some airborn nasties.
If the weather is nice, stop by Antrim Gardens (see "Parks and Playgrounds"), where the
really little ones hang out. While most of the newborns/infants will likely be the younger sibling of a child who is actually
playing, you will still meets lots of mothers who are usually happy to chat. Even if it's only to pity you, everyone will
likely want to peek at the baby and give you advice.
Some
cafes are better than others with a newborn. For some reason, both my children loved sitting in the Starbucks on England's
Lane and South End Green. Lots of space for pushers, traffic for the baby to watch outside, noise and other children running
around make it a fairly easy place to sit with a baby. I think the staff are now immune to the screaming.
If you can afford it, a gym with childcare is also a good way to meet other
mothers and get a break at the same time. Springhealth Leisure (see A to Z) has a fabulous creche,
which kicks in when baby is six weeks old! For two hours, you get to work out, or if you're like me, take a
shower/hot tub and sit in the cafe reading a newspaper while baby is very well taken care of. Both my children loved
it.
Lastly, you can always
take your newborn or baby to movies. The Everyman Cinema runs Scream! Screenings for parents
with babies up to 12 months, (see "A to Z" under Cinema or "term-time Day Planner."
Six Months and Beyond:
We are very lucky indeed in NW3. For things to do with under-5s, I cannot think of any other place in London
that offers so much to do and for so little money! Many of the activities are free or pay-as-you-go! Refer to the A-Z
for addresses and information and the "Term-Time Day Planner" and "Courses in NW3" for ideas about what
to do.
- Antrim Gardens: This lovely little park attracts lots of mothers
and carers of very young children.
- Playgroups: All are suitable
for babies but it's noteworthy that there's a special corner for non-walkers at the One O'clock Club. Belsize
Bunnies unfortunately, is no longer running.
- Caroline's, Neal's
Singalong: Even the really little ones like coming here and at the very least, you will learn the words to the songs
you will have been humming for the last few months.
- Mother-baby morning session
at Talacre: (see "gymnastics") It can be a bit of a hike but it's worth it, especially
when it's raining and your baby is dying to crawl around. I wouldn't bother with Treetops until they can walk steadily.
Don't even think about the afternoon session when the crazy crowd gets out of school.
- The
Swiss Cottage Centre also has playtime sessions.
- Swimming:
The pool at the Swiss Cottage Leisure Centre is warm enough to take a baby.
- Swiss Cottage
Library, Belsize Library: Lots of toys, lots of other children -- good for a rainy afternoon! Certain
mornings have rhyme-time singalongs and stories.
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